The Ocean

I've always been very observant of what was going on around me. This characteristic is handy when trying to get to know new people or when making witty comments among your friends, but it also has made me who I am today. I've spent the first 21 years of my life trying to be the person I thought everyone wanted me to be. I made sure to say the right things, have the right friends, and obviously look the right way. Now I look around me and am just overwhelmed with a sense of remorse. I wasted so much time, so many relationships I left behind because I was more concerned with spending time making sure *I* thought people liked me than spending time making sure I was there for those people. Now I look ahead to May 2018 and wonder, once I walk out of Cornerstone University, who will I know? What relationships will last beyond the convenience of accessibility afforded by life in a college dorm? 

Over the past two weeks I've felt a heavy burden to discover more in my life. More understanding. More depth. More meaning. Only through Christ Jesus can I ever find the relationship that I so passionately crave, only in Him can I find the purpose for my life, with Him I can be who I was created to be. Until I lay down my own will I cannot, and will not, be able to have a meaningful relationship with other people because the focus is on me and my needs. I need to let go of myself and become fully devoted to the one who created me and put me here to accomplish His plan.

The lyrics to this song aren't written for this, the artist probably isn't even a Christian and that's ok. But tonight this is my prayer. The only place to truly find purpose is in Christ's arms, and from this day on I will spend my days striving to dwell constantly in His presence, regardless of the challenges this world brings:

You can be my safety zone
Somewhere
I can go and feel unknown
That's all I need
All I want
Is to stay a little longer now
Arms around me like a border
Like an endless stream
You take me in
To a place that I've never been
Now I'm
Giving in to your touch
I will never get enough
Dive in deep into the ocean
The Ocean - Mike Perry